The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
