It's just like the Real World with babies
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
