That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
handjob tips. give me some.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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