Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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