Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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