I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
