he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Your penis caused this!
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