i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
