I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
