He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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