I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
