return my video game
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
