absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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