it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
