how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
