My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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