So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize