How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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