Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
