We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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