No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
