wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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