Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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