she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
