So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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