Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i out mim tonsoeep
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