we have officially lost it.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
