Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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