stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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