you mean i was at the winter classic?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize