is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
