some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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