Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
