No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Randomize
