i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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