Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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