It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
