you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
