i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
