I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
