What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
