the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
