his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
