We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
