last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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