This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
