Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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