At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
