I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
