He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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