At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
