I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Everyone says I win the strip club
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
