is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
