So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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