if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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