Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
