Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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