You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
