My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
