Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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