At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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