dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
