If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My vagina just recognized that song.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
